Have I ever completely professed my love for A Softer World?

Because I do.

Ok so the first little bit tests my attention span, but then, I just thought, woah.  a) someone has time on their hands, b) and they have incredible coordination, and c) what the fuck?

I know the election is over.  But still....
Some of you may not be aware the special spot Daft Punk holds in my heart, but it really does.  Especially the song Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger.  SO when I found this a week ago, I was elated.  I must share this...

So I have this project for my folklore class in which I have to do some field research.  I am collecting stories and traditions surrounding halloween.  I am hoping that because you all love me, some of you will provide feedback and answers to some of the following questions....?

What does halloween mean for you?  For you family?
What have you done in years past for halloween?
Do you or your family have any traditions at this time of year?
What warnings/taboos/stories do you know about this time of year?

Anything else you might have to say?

So Emily has hermit crabs.  Like, those little pet things that don't do much.  She ADORES them.  We take them out and they crawl all over the place, they like to swim in the sink.  It was cute in a cold sort of way.  Until last night.  I noticed that they weren't sleeping in their little hut together like usual, and that one had been burrowed in the sand under the water dish for quite a few days.  I heard them moving around last night and though "oh good, they aren't dead"  until I went to do dishes and saw one on top of the other.  My first thought was 'hermit crab sex?  no way!' and then i looked closer and one was EATING the other one.  It was making these creepy clicking noises and crunching noises as her did away with this poor crab.  Pieces of his shell are now strewn about the cage and I am slightly creeped out by the remaining crab.  And wondering how in earth I will explain this to Em...

amber is totally smitten.

end of story.

I am blessed that there are people in this world that will still be a wonderful force in my life even if i make big mistakes.  even more amazing is that they will forgive me (at least enough to talk to me) when I am a coward and don't initially admit how much of an ass I have been.  And because of those people, today is a good day.

On an interesting note, I am typing this from one of those creepy "virtually indestructible keyboards".  They are rubber and nearly flat and make typing slightly irritating.  They remind me of that giant piano in th movie 'BIG' that tom hanks plays around with in the toy store...                 
   

Horoscope for this week:
"Ordinary life does not interest me," wrote Anais Nin in one of her diaries. "I seek only the high moments.  I am searching for the marvelous."  Normally I might discourage you from pursuing that approach, Libra.  You've got money to make and appointments to keep and groceries to buy, after all.  And doing those tasks can make it hard to specialize in the marvelous.  But for a limited time only, the planetary powers-that-be are granting you an exemption from the ordinary.  More than that, actually:  They're insisting on it.  You need intimate contact with unreasonable beauty, sweet anomolies, beguiling ephemera, inexplicable joys, and small changes that inspire reverence.

Okay, I'm open for suggestions....  

What ravages of spirit
Conjured this temptuous rage
Created you a monster
Broken by the rules of love
And fate has led you through it
You do what you have to do
And fate has led you through it
You do what you have to do ...
And I have the sense to recognize that
I don’t know how to let you go
Every moment marked
With apparitions of your soul
I’m ever swiftly moving
Trying to escape this desire
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
The yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
But I have the sense to recognize
That I don’t know how
To let you go
I don’t know how
To let you go
A glowing ember
Burning hot
Burning slow
Deep within I’m shaken by the violence
Of existing for only you
I know I can’t be with you
I do what I have to do
I know I can’t be with you
I do what I have to do
And I have sense to recognize but
I don’t know how to let you go
I don’t know how to let you go
I don’t know how to let you go 

A circular unhealthy cycle of a love that I cannot let go of.  Does this ever ring true for my life right now.  WIth lovers that I can't shake the memory of enough to move on, and of friends that walked out for some reason that I can't catch up with, even for an explanation.  And the loved ones I never got the chance to say how it really was through my eyes, never got to say goodbye.  No closure, no goodbye kiss, just gone...

I often reminisce about my wonderful experiences as a youth in yruu.  sometimes i miss the way that community felt, the way i felt embraced.  last weekend i was a sponsor at a youth con for the first time and what a wonderful experience it was.  the youth are amazing and it was touching that i got to connect with sponsors that were around when i was a youth and meet new people as well.  and it was nice to go back, and see that community is still there for youth, still providing the comfort it gave me, and that i am the better for having been there.  and that i am an adult.

while i miss the atmosphere sometimes, it was nice to go back as the person i am today and know that i have grown so much since then.  sometimes i think people spend so much time cherising the past, or memories and take no time to be someone today.  it was nice to know i am not at that point in my life.  i am not saying that prior to this weekend i sat around wishing i was still a youth.  i wouldn't go back for nothin!  But sometimes it just feels like I don't have a community like that anymore, or that i doin't get to experience community like that as often or as openly.  Being at con reminded me of what I have in my life now that meets those needs.  Sometimes you just need something to show you how blind you are to the blessings in your life.

just a thought...

oh!  and i got to carve pumpkins in march, how bout them apples?  with jessie and brian!  i love my friends...

Today I quit my job.  And I feel weightless.  I am taking 9 credits at school, and I am so excited.  I decided to make this term "take whatever the hell interests me" term because I put off having my transcripts evaluated and meeting with an advisor, so reeeeally, don't know exactly what I have to get done.  But hey, its school, and the single mom card played well in the financial aid department, so I am a happy camper.  I really shouldn't have been so terrified to talk to my boss.  When she found out how much I am getting she told me she wouldn't have let me turn it down just so I didn't have to quit.  Haha. 

Emily was playing house today, and she was the mom.  I got a phone call into my classroom to tell me that my adorable little girl was nursing Miranda, who was playing the baby.  Gosh she makes me proud.  And giddy.  And burst with pride....

So a friend had to point this out to me before it really hit me, but I drive by it all the time.  The humor of it all amuses me!  There is a bar here in town that has a sign on it that all can see when they drive by.  What does it say?

"POKER IN FRONT
LIQUOR IN BACK"


Think about it a minute and get back to me...

Ok so smokeyourgender posted this thing, where she was asked five questions because she posted a comment saying 'i am an egomaniac' in someone else's lj.  While answering her five questions she continued it by posing five questions to anyone who posted a comment saying 'i am an egomaniac' in her entry.  get it?  your smart...you should....in case you didn't connect those dots on your own though, should you post a comment saying something to the extent of 'i am an egomaniac' as a comment to this entry, you will receive a lovely 5 questions to answer...

My five questions answered...
1) do you play any musical intruments? which ones?
2) if you could make the job of your dreams for yourself, what would it be?
3) what herb/spice are you?
4) if you could change your zodiac sign to one other then your own, which would you choose?
5) how would you describe the best photo you've ever taken?

1) i played the flute in middle school and part of high school.  i got really tired of it and explored some others though.  my favorite of those experiments gone wrong being the sax.  i got fed up with band in high school and for some reason thought there were better things to be doing with my time, and quit.  i sold my flute and now i miss it terribly.....i play a mean pair of spoons too!

2)my dream job would entail it not feeling like work.  something that i could include my daughter in, be creative with, and serve others.  it would also give me the opportunity to be financially stable and to travel.  now if you can find a job that meets that description, you just let me know!  seriously though...i want to teach.  but not within your typical failing public school system.  i want to be an art teacher, i love history and anthropology, and someday, i will also be a yoga teacher.  i also want to be a healer.  and after i am done with all that, i may consider starr king as a next academic career move....eternal student.  that is my dream job....yessss

3) i am cardamom.  sweet and intriguing and spicy.  and its fun to say.  and experiment with.     

4) i actually don't think i would want to change my sign.  i am a libra and damn happy with that.  the only thing that i don't like about it is i fit the indecisive charactersistic to a tee.  ah well, what can one do?

5) the best photo i have ever taken....your serisouly expecting an answer from a question like this out of a mom?  it would have to be of my daughter.  i have this one that she is dancing in with my friend renae while sitting on the couch.  it captured her devilish, sly, 'i'm up to something and still entirely adorable and innocent at the same time" look.  I can hear her little mischevious giggle when i look at it.  there is another one i took while she was sleeping on my lap.  she had been sick for days it felt like and she slept in my arms the whole time.  she would wake up and nuzzle my neck.  i see this picture and i can smell her.  i can feel her cuddles, and i can hear her softly snore.  it makes me ache to be near her.  and the last one that comes to mind is one of her holding this sign that says "i'm beautiful inside!"  i think its a great sign, and a great message and its something i raise my daughter to believe.  its a series of pictures that captures a lot of her playfulness.  in fact....i may have to attach one of them....this one you can see her big grin that occurs in the middle of true laughter...


this is her flirting with the camera...


and this one, well its totally unrelated to the others, but come on people!  pink feather boa!  thanks to her auntie Danica she is the most stylish eccentric kiddo on the block.  and yes, she took a sip of puddle water right as i snapped this before i could convince her not to.  so she's got a strong immune system now too...


wait a mintue, this turned into shameless motherpride gloat time!

one more for the road...

who doesn't love blackberry jam?
   

life is good, when you take a moment to stand back and put it all into perspective..

Em's birthday party was this weekend.  Its was pre-school-tastic.  Pics to come later....